IZZY-WUZZY
Characters: Comic, StraightOpening: Comic and Straight enter, meet at center stage.
Straight: Well, hello. Hello, there--uh--uh. I'm afraid I forgot your name. Oh, no, I didn't. It's uh--what is your name? Now, don't tell me. Don't tell me. (Busy thinking.)
Comic: Huh! He doesn't know my name is Albert.
Straight: Now I remember: Albert. And you're from....Let's see now. Don't tell me. (Busy thinking.)
Comic: Can you imagine: He doesn't know I'm from Texarkana.
Straight: That's right. Little Albert form Texarkana. By the way, Albert, how's your sister?
Comic: Which one? Becky, Agnes, or Mabel?
Straight: Why, Becky, naturally. How is she?
Comic: Oh, she's fine. She's married and has twins.
Straight: You didn't tell me.
Comic: But I just did.
Straight: Yes, you did. You did. Thank you.
Comic: "Thank you?" For what?
Straight: For telling me.
Comic: For telling you what?
Straight: For telling me--oh skip it! But tell me, how old are the twins?
Comic: One is six. And one is four.
Straight: What are their names?
Comic: Izzy and Wuzzy.
Straight: Izzy and Wuzzy. well, how are they?
Comic: Well, last week Izzy was sick. He's all right now. But when I left this morning Wuzzy was sick.
Straight: Oh is he?
Comic: No, Wuzzy.
Straight: That's what I said: Is he?
Comic: No, Wuzzy. Izzy was sick last week.
Straight: Oh, was he?
Comic: No, Izzy.
Straight: I thought you said Wuzzy was sick.
Comic: Wuzzy was.
Straight: But now Wuzzy isn't, is he?
Comic: Of course Wuzzy isn't Izzy.
Straight: No, no. you don't understand me.
Comic: You don't understand English. I said Wuzzy was sick this morning.
Straight: Right. and now Izzy isn't, is he?
Comic: Are you trying to tell me Izzy isn't Izzy?
Straight: Look: Izzy was sick last week. Wuzzy was sick this morning. Right?
Comic: Right. Izzy was. Now Wuzzy was.
Straight: Right! Both was--Oh, no! Now you've got me talking that way!
Comic: What way?
Straight: Oh, never mind! Never mind! (Both leave the stage very disgusted.)
Thank you for reading it. Remember: I didn't write it.
P.S. I suggest you read it twice, more slowly the second time. I missed some funny parts when I read it faster at first.
