The REAL "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

Hermia sat next to the tree. She had been waiting for Lysander for quite a long time. Oh, I do hope he is not playing his Wii again, she thought miserably. The Wii was the only thing he adored more than her. The golden axe that lay next to her reminded her of the beasts that may be lurking in the shadows, waiting for her to rest before they leapt forward.

                There was a rustle among the leaves, and Hermia’s feelings shot up like a rocket, thinking that her beloved one had finally arrived, but out of the shadows leapt a dark figure, not a fair-skinned handsome one like Lysander. In fact, it was Demetrius who leapt out and broke the stillness of the moment; Demetrius, whose face was blotched with ugly, bubble-shaped warts; Demetrius, who loved her; Demetrius, whom her father had instructed her to marry. Demetrius dragged the fair, young lady off without a word.

LOL

More jokes from Google Buzz:

The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.***********************************************************************************A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg-leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate.
"A shark bit off me whole leg."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"
"We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other sailors with swords. One of them cut me
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman.

"And the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?"
the sailor asked incredulously.
Said the pirate.
"It was the first day with the hook."***********************************************************************************

The Longest and Worst Joke Ever!!

I got this from a post on google buzz:

THE LONGEST AND WORST JOKE EVER

So, there’s a man crawling through the desert.

He’d decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn’t get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here.

He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he’d paid attention to the sun and thought he’d figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he’d be back to the small town he’d gotten gas in last.

He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he’s afraid that he’ll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he’d had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right.

He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he’s really thirsty. He’s been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He’s reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket

is really getting tempting now. He knows that it’s mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to

it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.

He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.

By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he’s been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn’t recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn’t remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he’s close, and that after dark he’ll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that’ll be all he needs.

Answer to Millenia

well, I was horribly disappointed with the no response, but i have a feeling that despite you guys decided, thoughtlessly, to ignore this, I still have to write the answer. So here it is:

60070 Alameda Rd.

Denver, Colorado

11/9/07

Dear Max,

            How do you do? What are you doing at your school? California is amazing with a lot of aquariums, theme parks, and museums. All of the fourth grade classes in our school, Garden Gate Elementary, went to a world-famous aquarium called the Monterey Bay Aquarium. The aquarium is famous for being the first aquarium in the world to capture a great white shark, and keep it in their aquarium. Last time I went there, which was in the summer, I actually saw a cartilaginous fish, the great white shark, and its relative, the manta ray, which is also a very dangerous fish. There were huge glass tanks of water, filled with marine animals. If you could come here, I would show you the amazing beauty of Monterey Bay Aquarium.  There are also shining, cute, and furry sea otters. On top there are waddling penguins on ice, getting ready to impress the curious children who are watching. Outside there are napping seals resting on moistened rocks. There is a chance you can see swimming whales. If you could come here, I would show you the amazing beauty of Monterey Bay Aquarium.

            Have you been to Raging Waters? It is like the coolest theme park you can go to in your life. It is all filled with swimming water. There are water monkey bars and a lot of swimming. There are a lot of buckets that pour on your head. You can swim deep because the water is pretty deep. There is a whole bunch of activities to do in the park. One place is a fake pirate ship. Once you walk in, a huge bucket that can probably hold ten gallons fills up and pours it on your head. In other places there are mini-waterfalls. You have to get through the waterfall to get into the area behind it. Some waterfalls are pounding hard and some waterfalls are dropping gently.