In the memory of the truly amazing Google Buzz, I am taking the more interesting posts and posting them here. WARNING: Some jokes may be repeated in my other blog posts.
People Are Awesome: This Guy Scuba Dived Into the Tsunami to Rescue His Wife and Mother
No doubt many stories of heroism in the face of Japan's recent tsunami will emerge in the upcoming weeks—one is happening in the Fukushima Daiichi plant as I write this, in fact—but the latest is so beautiful and fantastical that it seems primed for a Hollywood movie.
Meet Hideaki Akaiwa, 43. Startled at work by the now infamous earthquake and tsunami that shook and overtook Japan on March 11, Akaiwa rushed to high ground and immediately called his wife of two decades. When she didn't answer, Akaiwa ignored friends' pleas to wait for a military rescue, instead rummaging up some scuba gear and diving into the dark, cold, debris-filled tsunami. Hundreds of yards of swimming later, Akaiwa found his wife struggling against the 10-foot current that had overtaken the couple's Ishinomaki home.
Once he'd gotten his wife to safety, Akaiwa suffered for four days with worry for his elderly mother. When she didn't turn up at any of the official evacuation centers, Akaiwa dove once again into the filthy, neck-high waters and swam to her neighborhood, determined to track her down. After some searching, Akaiwa found her, scared and alone, on the second floor of neighbor's house. "She was very much panicked because she was trapped with all this water around," he told the Los Angeles Times. "I didn't know where she was. It was such a relief to find her."
With his family accounted for, Akaiwa hasn't rested on his laurels. Rather, he's spent the past two weeks heading into Ishinomaki in search of other trapped survivors. Armed with a backpack, a flashlight, a Swiss Army knife, and some water, he rides his bike around the wreckage and makes his own destiny.
Reshare this post to show to the world what TRUE bravery is....
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The Perfect Worker
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.
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*you and your bestfriend can say one word, and crack up.
*you hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other.
*you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks.
*you laugh when people get hurt, then stop when you realize it's serious.
*you hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them.
*you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice.
*you pretend to sleep when your parents come in.
*you text the person next to you things that you can't say out loud.
*you're always tired no matter how much sleep you get.
*if someone asks the time and you don't have a watch you look at your wrist anyway
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People Are Awesome: This Guy Scuba Dived Into the Tsunami to Rescue His Wife and Mother
No doubt many stories of heroism in the face of Japan's recent tsunami will emerge in the upcoming weeks—one is happening in the Fukushima Daiichi plant as I write this, in fact—but the latest is so beautiful and fantastical that it seems primed for a Hollywood movie.
Meet Hideaki Akaiwa, 43. Startled at work by the now infamous earthquake and tsunami that shook and overtook Japan on March 11, Akaiwa rushed to high ground and immediately called his wife of two decades. When she didn't answer, Akaiwa ignored friends' pleas to wait for a military rescue, instead rummaging up some scuba gear and diving into the dark, cold, debris-filled tsunami. Hundreds of yards of swimming later, Akaiwa found his wife struggling against the 10-foot current that had overtaken the couple's Ishinomaki home.
Once he'd gotten his wife to safety, Akaiwa suffered for four days with worry for his elderly mother. When she didn't turn up at any of the official evacuation centers, Akaiwa dove once again into the filthy, neck-high waters and swam to her neighborhood, determined to track her down. After some searching, Akaiwa found her, scared and alone, on the second floor of neighbor's house. "She was very much panicked because she was trapped with all this water around," he told the Los Angeles Times. "I didn't know where she was. It was such a relief to find her."
With his family accounted for, Akaiwa hasn't rested on his laurels. Rather, he's spent the past two weeks heading into Ishinomaki in search of other trapped survivors. Armed with a backpack, a flashlight, a Swiss Army knife, and some water, he rides his bike around the wreckage and makes his own destiny.
Reshare this post to show to the world what TRUE bravery is....
________________________________________________________________________
The Perfect Worker
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.
________________________________________________________________________
*you and your bestfriend can say one word, and crack up.
*you hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other.
*you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks.
*you laugh when people get hurt, then stop when you realize it's serious.
*you hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them.
*you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice.
*you pretend to sleep when your parents come in.
*you text the person next to you things that you can't say out loud.
*you're always tired no matter how much sleep you get.
*if someone asks the time and you don't have a watch you look at your wrist anyway
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RESHARE IF U <3 STARBUCKSS
________________________________________________________________________ How to open a door in three billion err.....................simple steps..............
YES, VERY
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Have you.... -flipped over the pillow 2 get the cold side!
-if its dark downstairs and u run upstairs realy realy fast like someone is trying 2 kill u
-saying the ABCs out loud 2 see which letter comes next
-u open a new pack of gum and suddenly everyone is ur best friend
-if u cannot hear someone after 3 times u just smile and nod.... :)
-if u said something sorta harsh u just put an lol at the end of it
-uve had that mini shock attack in bed when ur dreaming u r falling!!
RESHARE THIS IF THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED 2 U!!!!
-if its dark downstairs and u run upstairs realy realy fast like someone is trying 2 kill u
-saying the ABCs out loud 2 see which letter comes next
-u open a new pack of gum and suddenly everyone is ur best friend
-if u cannot hear someone after 3 times u just smile and nod.... :)
-if u said something sorta harsh u just put an lol at the end of it
-uve had that mini shock attack in bed when ur dreaming u r falling!!
RESHARE THIS IF THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED 2 U!!!!
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How to get out of the next speeding ticket!
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
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1 i need to tell you something. look at 5
2 the answer is look at 11
3 dont get mad look at 15
4 calm down look at 13
5 first look at 2
6 dont be that angry look at 12
7 i just wanted to say that you just wasted your time and i'm awesome
8 what i wanted to tell you is on 14
9 be patient look at 4
10 this is the last time im going to do this look at 7
11 now look at 6
12 sorry look at 8
13 dont get mad look at 10
14 i dont know how to say this look at 3
15 you must be reallly mad look at number 9
2 the answer is look at 11
3 dont get mad look at 15
4 calm down look at 13
5 first look at 2
6 dont be that angry look at 12
7 i just wanted to say that you just wasted your time and i'm awesome
8 what i wanted to tell you is on 14
9 be patient look at 4
10 this is the last time im going to do this look at 7
11 now look at 6
12 sorry look at 8
13 dont get mad look at 10
14 i dont know how to say this look at 3
15 you must be reallly mad look at number 9
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yea.... sometimes i feel like doing that to some one too.
ealthy Looking Green Cake
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Me: "I’d like a plain number three, white, end piece preferred, no cheese. And BBQ chips. To go."
Clerk: (grabs a wheat roll) "Number three?"
Me: "Yeah. Plain."
Clerk: (holding a wheat roll) "What size?"
Me: "That’s on white, please. Large."
Clerk: (cutting off a small piece of the wheat roll) "Ok."
Me: "Uhhh...I want that on white. End piece if you got it. And a large."
Clerk: "Oh...yeah...sorry. What size?"
Me: "Large."
Clerk: (grabbing a white roll -- with an uncut end still attached) "Ok."
Me: "End piece is preferred."
Clerk: (cutting off a small piece from the roll which is just barely long enough to qualify for a large sandwich, resulting in two pieces of while roll: a small-sized piece and a piece that is only about half as long as the small size although it is the end piece of the original whole roll) "Hmm."
Me: "That’s large, please. Large."
Clerk: "Huh?"
Me: "I want a large number three."
Clerk: "Oh...yeah...sorry." (looks at the two pieces of bread on the counter in front of him, confused) "You said you wanted an end piece?"
Me: "Yeah. End piece is OK. Not required. Picky teenage daughter."
Clerk: (horizontally slices the smaller-than-small-sized piece of white roll -- the piece that has the end on it) "Ok."
Me: "Uh. Excuse me. I want a large number three."
Clerk: "I thought you wanted the end piece."
Me: "I want a large number three. Plain. The end piece is OK, but it is not required."
Clerk: (continues to make the sandwich on the less-than-small-sized end piece) "Ok."
Me: "Uh. Excuse me again. That’s a large number three, please."
Clerk: "I thought you wanted the end piece."
Me: "I want a large number three, plain. Forget about the end piece, OK?"
Clerk: "What do I do with this?"
Me: "What do you do with what?"
Clerk: "What do I do with this end piece?"
Me: "Push it aside. Get a fresh roll of white bread, OK? I want a LARGE number three."
Clerk: "Oh...yeah."
Me: "Picky teenage daughter. She has to have a large, plain sandwich."
Clerk: (cuts off a large sized piece from a fresh, whole white roll) "That’s a large, right?"
Me: "Yes. Large. You got it."
Clerk: "Number three?"
Me: "Yeah. Plain."
Clerk: "What kind of cheese?"
Me: "That’s plain."
Clerk: "What kind of cheese do you want on it?"
Me: "I want it plain, please."
Clerk: "What is that?"
Me: "What is what?"
Clerk: "What is plain?"
Me: "I want a large number three, plain."
Clerk: "What do you mean, plain?"
Me: "Yes, plain."
Clerk: "What do you mean, plain?"
Me: "Just a number three. Plain. Absolutely plain."
Clerk: "I dunno know what you mean."
Me: "I want a large number three, absolutely plain."
Clerk: "I don’t think we have that."
Me: "You can’t make a plain sandwich? I order them here all the time!"
Clerk: "What do you mean, plain? We don’t have plains."
Note that, at this point, the other customers at the counter are visibly amused, one even chuckling out loud. I look at them, and get "What a moron!" looks from them, so I know it’s not just me. The other clerks appear curious about why a customer is raising his voice, but they still appear unaware that anything odd is going on.
Me: "I want a LARGE number THREE, absolutely PLAIN. Can you make one of those for me?"
Clerk: (visibly irritated) "I dunno. What do you mean, plain?"
Me: "PLAIN! Nothing on it!"
Clerk: "Nothing? Just the bread?"
Me: "No. Just a plain number three. Nothing on it at all. No--"
Clerk: (interrupting) "What kind of cheese?"
Me: "No cheese at all! Plain!"
Clerk: (walks away from his station and talks to the manager) "I can’t do this."
Manager: "What’s wrong?"
Clerk: "He won’t tell me what kind of cheese he wants."
Me: "Can I speak to a manager?"
Manager: "Is there a problem?"
Me: "I’m just trying to get a sandwich made."
Clerk: "He keeps talking about some kind of airplane or something."
Manager: "Airplane? What’s his order?"
Clerk: "A large number three airplane...or plane...I dunno what he wants me to do."
Manager: "What did you order?"
Me: "I’d like a number three, plain, on white, preferrably an end piece...no cheese. BBQ potato chips. To go."
Manager: "What was the problem?"
Me: "I have no idea, but it appears from what he said to you that he doesn’t know what the word ’plain’ means."
Manager: "Well, we’ll get you taken care of."
Clerk: (grabs a wheat roll) "Number three?"
Me: "Yeah. Plain."
Clerk: (holding a wheat roll) "What size?"
Me: "That’s on white, please. Large."
Clerk: (cutting off a small piece of the wheat roll) "Ok."
Me: "Uhhh...I want that on white. End piece if you got it. And a large."
Clerk: "Oh...yeah...sorry. What size?"
Me: "Large."
Clerk: (grabbing a white roll -- with an uncut end still attached) "Ok."
Me: "End piece is preferred."
Clerk: (cutting off a small piece from the roll which is just barely long enough to qualify for a large sandwich, resulting in two pieces of while roll: a small-sized piece and a piece that is only about half as long as the small size although it is the end piece of the original whole roll) "Hmm."
Me: "That’s large, please. Large."
Clerk: "Huh?"
Me: "I want a large number three."
Clerk: "Oh...yeah...sorry." (looks at the two pieces of bread on the counter in front of him, confused) "You said you wanted an end piece?"
Me: "Yeah. End piece is OK. Not required. Picky teenage daughter."
Clerk: (horizontally slices the smaller-than-small-sized piece of white roll -- the piece that has the end on it) "Ok."
Me: "Uh. Excuse me. I want a large number three."
Clerk: "I thought you wanted the end piece."
Me: "I want a large number three. Plain. The end piece is OK, but it is not required."
Clerk: (continues to make the sandwich on the less-than-small-sized end piece) "Ok."
Me: "Uh. Excuse me again. That’s a large number three, please."
Clerk: "I thought you wanted the end piece."
Me: "I want a large number three, plain. Forget about the end piece, OK?"
Clerk: "What do I do with this?"
Me: "What do you do with what?"
Clerk: "What do I do with this end piece?"
Me: "Push it aside. Get a fresh roll of white bread, OK? I want a LARGE number three."
Clerk: "Oh...yeah."
Me: "Picky teenage daughter. She has to have a large, plain sandwich."
Clerk: (cuts off a large sized piece from a fresh, whole white roll) "That’s a large, right?"
Me: "Yes. Large. You got it."
Clerk: "Number three?"
Me: "Yeah. Plain."
Clerk: "What kind of cheese?"
Me: "That’s plain."
Clerk: "What kind of cheese do you want on it?"
Me: "I want it plain, please."
Clerk: "What is that?"
Me: "What is what?"
Clerk: "What is plain?"
Me: "I want a large number three, plain."
Clerk: "What do you mean, plain?"
Me: "Yes, plain."
Clerk: "What do you mean, plain?"
Me: "Just a number three. Plain. Absolutely plain."
Clerk: "I dunno know what you mean."
Me: "I want a large number three, absolutely plain."
Clerk: "I don’t think we have that."
Me: "You can’t make a plain sandwich? I order them here all the time!"
Clerk: "What do you mean, plain? We don’t have plains."
Note that, at this point, the other customers at the counter are visibly amused, one even chuckling out loud. I look at them, and get "What a moron!" looks from them, so I know it’s not just me. The other clerks appear curious about why a customer is raising his voice, but they still appear unaware that anything odd is going on.
Me: "I want a LARGE number THREE, absolutely PLAIN. Can you make one of those for me?"
Clerk: (visibly irritated) "I dunno. What do you mean, plain?"
Me: "PLAIN! Nothing on it!"
Clerk: "Nothing? Just the bread?"
Me: "No. Just a plain number three. Nothing on it at all. No--"
Clerk: (interrupting) "What kind of cheese?"
Me: "No cheese at all! Plain!"
Clerk: (walks away from his station and talks to the manager) "I can’t do this."
Manager: "What’s wrong?"
Clerk: "He won’t tell me what kind of cheese he wants."
Me: "Can I speak to a manager?"
Manager: "Is there a problem?"
Me: "I’m just trying to get a sandwich made."
Clerk: "He keeps talking about some kind of airplane or something."
Manager: "Airplane? What’s his order?"
Clerk: "A large number three airplane...or plane...I dunno what he wants me to do."
Manager: "What did you order?"
Me: "I’d like a number three, plain, on white, preferrably an end piece...no cheese. BBQ potato chips. To go."
Manager: "What was the problem?"
Me: "I have no idea, but it appears from what he said to you that he doesn’t know what the word ’plain’ means."
Manager: "Well, we’ll get you taken care of."
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Useless inventions
1. Non stick Cellotape
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters
1. Non stick Cellotape
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters
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YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Me: "Can I have the 2 Big Macs, 2 large fries special?"
Clerk: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Can I have the special on the sign up there?" (pointing to the sign)
Clerk: "What special?"
Me: "The 2 Big Macs special."
Clerk: "That’s not a special. You just order 2 Big Macs and 2 fries and 2 drinks."
Me: "Will it cost $7.99?"
Clerk: "I don’t know. Let me see."
She rung up the order, and it came to around $12.
Clerk: "That is how much it costs."
Me: "Then why does the sign say $7.99?"
Clerk: "I don’t know what you are talking about."
Me: "The sign up there." (pointing to the sign again)
Clerk: "Let me get the manager."
The manager came over, and I was convinced I would be eating shortly.
Manager: "Can I help you?"
Me: "I just want to order the special that it see on the sign up there."
Manager: "There is no special at this time."
Me: "Then why does the sign say there is?"
Manager: "I don’t know about that, but you can order two value meals and get the same thing."
Me: "But that will cost more than $7.99."
Manager: "That’s right."
Me: "But what I want is what is on the sign up there." (pointing to the sign again)
The manager read the sign out loud, very slowly.
Manager: "The sign is wrong."
Me: "Well, if you are the manager, why don’t you take it down?"
Manager: (angrily) "Excuse me?"
Me: "You are the manager, and you have signs in here that are wrong. You should take them down."
Manager: "Sir, why don’t you leave my store."
Me: "What?"
Manager: "Leave my store before something happens."
Me: "What is going to happen?"
Manager: "Just get out of here."
We left, walked about five blocks to the next McDonald’s. I ordered the same special without a problem.
Clerk: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Can I have the special on the sign up there?" (pointing to the sign)
Clerk: "What special?"
Me: "The 2 Big Macs special."
Clerk: "That’s not a special. You just order 2 Big Macs and 2 fries and 2 drinks."
Me: "Will it cost $7.99?"
Clerk: "I don’t know. Let me see."
She rung up the order, and it came to around $12.
Clerk: "That is how much it costs."
Me: "Then why does the sign say $7.99?"
Clerk: "I don’t know what you are talking about."
Me: "The sign up there." (pointing to the sign again)
Clerk: "Let me get the manager."
The manager came over, and I was convinced I would be eating shortly.
Manager: "Can I help you?"
Me: "I just want to order the special that it see on the sign up there."
Manager: "There is no special at this time."
Me: "Then why does the sign say there is?"
Manager: "I don’t know about that, but you can order two value meals and get the same thing."
Me: "But that will cost more than $7.99."
Manager: "That’s right."
Me: "But what I want is what is on the sign up there." (pointing to the sign again)
The manager read the sign out loud, very slowly.
Manager: "The sign is wrong."
Me: "Well, if you are the manager, why don’t you take it down?"
Manager: (angrily) "Excuse me?"
Me: "You are the manager, and you have signs in here that are wrong. You should take them down."
Manager: "Sir, why don’t you leave my store."
Me: "What?"
Manager: "Leave my store before something happens."
Me: "What is going to happen?"
Manager: "Just get out of here."
We left, walked about five blocks to the next McDonald’s. I ordered the same special without a problem.
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Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON..........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK............you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK............you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK............you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON..........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK............they are called managers.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON..........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK............you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK............you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK............you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON..........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK............they are called managers.
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Miss you Steve Jobs..
R. I. P.
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