The REAL "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

Hermia sat next to the tree. She had been waiting for Lysander for quite a long time. Oh, I do hope he is not playing his Wii again, she thought miserably. The Wii was the only thing he adored more than her. The golden axe that lay next to her reminded her of the beasts that may be lurking in the shadows, waiting for her to rest before they leapt forward.

                There was a rustle among the leaves, and Hermia’s feelings shot up like a rocket, thinking that her beloved one had finally arrived, but out of the shadows leapt a dark figure, not a fair-skinned handsome one like Lysander. In fact, it was Demetrius who leapt out and broke the stillness of the moment; Demetrius, whose face was blotched with ugly, bubble-shaped warts; Demetrius, who loved her; Demetrius, whom her father had instructed her to marry. Demetrius dragged the fair, young lady off without a word.

                Within a moment, a woman who had put too much lipstick, eyeliner, and gold ornaments ran behind them, while screaming in a revolting high-pitched voice:

                “DEEEMETRIIIIUUSSS!!” Yes, she was Helena.

                Lysander reached the spot moments later. He could tell, from the fragrance of Hermia’s expensive perfume, that she had just been there. With a dull THUD, a hammer made contact with his head, and he slumped to the floor.

                Meanwhile, King Oberon, the four-eyed warthog, was angry with his to-be wife, Queen Titania, the Pot Bellied Pig. He said that she would be better off as a donkey so she would marry a donkey, while retorted that she would rather marry a donkey, and called off their engagement. Oberon ordered his one-eyed ogre, Puck, to get juice from a flower that would turn Titania into a donkey, thereby fulfilling both of their wishes.

                While Puck was gone, King Oberon saw Helena chasing Demetrius and felt no pity. Not my problem, he thought.  Lysander woke up to see Hermia, and meets Demetrius instead. Reports from trusted agencies claim that Puck fiddled with the two mens’ minds, and made both of them fall in love with Helena.

                Upon discovering that both of them love Helena, Demetrius says:

                “Lysander, I challenge you to a duel!”

                And so both males pulled out their Glock automatics, while Hermia and Helena stood in silence. The same agencies say that Puck felt sorry for what he did and made Lysander love Hermia and Demetrius love Helena. The two pairs of lovers went on separate honeymoons by using Lufthansa, and never returned again.

                After Puck had finished, he explained the entire story to King Oberon. The greedy king said:

                “Puck, write this story down in a way that it seems that I grieved for Helena and Titania, I am noble, I am generous, etc.’

                Puck wrote this down in Greek, and the great William Shakespeare copied it and acted like it was his own. He never knew it was a fake and fell for the nasty trick of King Oberon. However, I haven’t, and I will depend on you to spread the REAL “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” 

The Fake Version